Turn Your Frown Upside Down
Turn Your Frown Upside Down
…a cape of confidence, gym-face, and being the type of person you want to be…
When I was in my early twenties I attended a course funded by Arts Council England, which was intended to build confidence and improve public speaking.
One of the exercises that we were given was to partner up with someone we didn’t know and then follow that person around the room as they walked normally, mimicking their posture and gait. We then stood face to face and had a basic conversation asking about where they were from and what their job entailed whilst, again, aiming to mimic their body language. We then swapped around, with the mimicked becoming the mimicker and vice versa, and then discussed the effects.
I had trained as a performer and dancer and so naturally had an upright posture and a confident demeanour. My partner for this exercise was a lovely young man of a similar age to myself. He was slightly hunched as he walked and was a little shy as we talked. When we swapped over, he stood tall with his shoulders back, and spoke with confidence and directness. I met him some months later and he said that he had used my apparent confidence as a sort of armour when he had to present ideas at work because the simple act of standing more upright made him feel more confident.
Equally, after the workshop, I noticed that when I was feeling unsure of myself, I would physically shrink and be reminded of what it felt like to embody his shyness.
I wasn’t necessarily naturally more self-assured than him. But I did have a well-practiced cape of confidence that I could wrap around myself, which in turn, gave me a bit of genuine courage.
Some years later, whilst training as a fitness instructor, I learnt about the effects of “gym face”. This is when someone strains to lift a heavy weight and winces, or frowns as they push their physical ability. The physical stress is indicated in the facial muscles, and the act of frowning creates a feedback loop to let the brain know that something is difficult and uncomfortable. The longer you frown, the more you confirm the feeling of discomfort, which sustains the production of stress hormones. This feedback loop can be broken by getting rid of the frown. Practicing a calm face whilst doing things that are physically challenging can help to reduce feelings of stress. Conversely, did you know that if you smile for just 8 seconds, you will start to release “happy” hormones. Smile for longer and you will keep reinforcing the happy hormone feedback loop.
So now, when I notice myself frowning, I move my face into a gentle smile. When I notice myself hunching, I take a deep breath and lift myself up. When I notice myself racing around, I pause and slow myself down. When I feel nervous or anxious, I imagine a cape of confidence.
A tip which I can attribute to a Rich Roll Podcast (but I’m afraid I can’t remember who he was interviewing at the time): he discussed a strategy similar to “fake it ‘til you make it”: Consider what type of person you want to be, and act like that person. If you want to be the type of person who meditates every day, then just do it – sit and meditate, even if it’s just for 2 minutes, every day. If you want to be a cheery person, then practice smiling more often. If you want to be the type of person who is well-read, then take time to read something every day. If you want to be the type of person who invests in self-care, then ask yourself through the day, “what would someone who is invested in self-care do in this situation?”. The action comes first, and then the being follows.
Perhaps becoming who you were meant to be isn’t about discovering some perfect version of yourself that is waiting to emerge. Perhaps it is simply about making small choices, again and again, that are aligned with the person you want to become. Stand a little taller. Breathe a little deeper. Smile when you can. Take two minutes to meditate. Be kind to yourself. These small actions may seem insignificant, but over time they become habits, and habits become part of who we are. So, if there is a version of yourself you would like to grow into, why not start by acting as though she or he is already here?
